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Jokes - Life On The Farm

Compiled by Chitra Parayath

Special Pig
I was at the State Fair one day, and I decided to visit the livestock section. And I saw this farmer there and his pig with only three legs. This was really weird, so I asked him, "Excuse me, why does your pig only have three legs?"
And the farmer said, "Well, this pig here's name is Peewee, and lemme tell you a story about him. One day, I was out on my tractor when something went wrong and the tractor accidentally got turned over. I was going to be crushed and would have died, 'cept Peewee here ran over and dragged me out. He saved my life."
And I said, "WOW! That's amazing! But why does he only have three legs?"
And the farmer said, "Well, lemme tell you a story. My son was fishing in the pond when all of a sudden, he fell right in. And somehow, his foot got trapped in a reed in the pond. He would've drowned to death if Peewee hadn't ran outside, untangled him, dragged him out from the pond, and applied Peewee-to-mouth resuscitation. He saved his life."
And I said, "WOW! That's amazing! But why does he only have three legs?"
And the farmer said, "Well, lemme tell you a story. My daughter was getting water from the well. All of a sudden, she fell right in! And she screamed and screamed, but no one could hear her!
She would've died, 'except Peewee here ran outside and rescued her. He saved her life."
And I said, "WOW! That's amazing! But why does he only have three legs?!"
And the farmer said, "Well, a pig that special you can't eat all at once."

A little accident
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Golden wedding anniversary An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary...
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

Winning Nobel prize
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."

Scottish Farmer
The pilot of an aerobatic biplane landed in the recently mown field of a Scottish farmer to make a few adjustments to his engine. While he was tinkering with his machine, he noticed the Scotsman and his wife watching with a great deal of curiosity. The Scotsman asked the pilot how much he would charge to give both he and his wife a ride.
'Well', said the pilot, 'Normally I charge $50 dollars each, but if you are both completely quiet throughout the flight, the ride will be free of charge. If I hear the least amount of noise, you will owe the full fare.'
The couple quickly climbed aboard, and the pilot taxied and took off. Immediately, he proceeded to put his plane through all of its paces: barrel rolls, stalls, spins, split S maneuvers, you name it and he did it. The couple in back were completely silent throughout the thirty minute flight.
Upon landing, the pilot said, 'I really have to hand it to you for keeping quiet through all that!'
'Aye', said the Scotsman, 'but I'll admit, ye almost heard me when the wife fell out.'

Where is dad?
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. 'Hey, Willis,' he called out, 'forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon.'
'That's very nice of you,' Willis answered, 'but I don't think Dad would like me to.'
'Aw, come on, son!' the farmer insisted.
'Well, OK,' the boy finally agreed, 'but Dad won't like it.'
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. 'I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset.'
'Don't be silly!' said the neighbor. 'By the way, where is he?'
'Under the wagon,' replied Willis.

Growing Chickens
A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
"That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied.
A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.
"Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems."
"Problems?" asked the proprietor.
"Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

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