About Us Contact Us Help




Humor - E-nglish


Yahoo! English has become E-nglish with the avatar of e-lectronics. If u cn rd vat I rite, u’ll b J! The need for typing minimum number of alphabets to express maximum has revolutionized the English language and the language, which is adept at adopting changes has responded so well.

Now that the mobile phone has started displaying messages called SMS (Short Messaging service) which has obviated the need for speaking to people and has created couples ‘conversing’ stealthily while in the company of others. They also enjoy looking over others and having infantile ‘digs’ at others thereby proving that as the communication technology advances, humans are getting into cocoons!

Of course the SMS is the mantra of the day, people communicate by telephone without actually opening their mouth; all they do is to simply tap in a text message that appears instantly on their ‘interlocutor’s screen. Vodafone, the largest British network is reportedly handling over 60 million such messages every month.

There are of course, advantages in sending a text message. You call some one and pay through your nose; but when you use text message you save time and as a result, the dough. The disadvantage? The text message has brought in discourtesy and rudeness. You dial someone and you are told: ‘I’m on the airplane!’ You are holding a parallel conversation with someone else when you are in the midst of a tete a tete with somebody in front of you. May be managing two affairs simultaneously! Call it e-whispers or e-diversion, it is the 21st century avatar of e-vil indeed!

With the arrival of SMS, E-nglish is evolving so fast that shortly it would acquire yet another companion from Cambridge or Oxford, if not from Silicon valley or Cyberabad. The major reason for this new e-volution is the need for reducing the stress in typing and also saving on the telephone bill.

ILU is already well-known in India, thanks to its popularisation by a Bollywood song. ILY seems to be more in use than ILU these days. PLS (Please) or TKY (Thank you) express that as a net savvy person, you are still a gentle and considerate animal.

NO1 (no one) is in the coming years to remember the archaic way of writing the modern u (you), r (are), 2 (to), b (be), c (see), ur (your) in their routine usage. Remember, typing in capital letters would mean that you are shouting through your hat from the roof of your house!

A bit more complicated phrases are:

A/S/L (Age/sex/location)
BAK (Back)
BBIAF (Be back in a flash)
BRB (be right back)
CUL8R (See you later)
ENTERPRENERDS (People who start million-dollar e-business)
FLAMING (sending abusive messages)
GMTA (Great minds think alike)
IMHO (In my humble opinion)
NETIZENS (the internet devotees)
WAN2 (Want to)
IAF (In a flash)
ILMAO (I laugh my a*** off!)
LOL (Laugh out loud)
NERD (Originally an abusive term, now it is used to refer to the growing ‘enterprenerds’)
MSG (Message)
NP (No problem)
PPL (People)
ROTFL (Rolling on the floor laughing)
SPAM (Junk routine, colourless messages)
WB (Welcome back!)
WIRED (Switched on and plugged in)
WUD (Would)
XITED (Excited)
XLNT! (Excellent!)

Like the ancient Egyptian language, the new hieroglyphic E-gyptian expressions are typed (or, are they ‘drawn’?) day in and day out by the internet and e-,mail enthusiasts just manipulating the key board regulars: :, -,)), @, etc. Some examples are:

J = Very happy! [This symbol comes out automatically in the Microsoft Word when you type the following one after another without spacing or commas: :, -, ). ]
:@= You pig!
:-& = (Speechless)
:-c = sad
{:--- = angry
:-p = stick out the tongue

Words of wisdom of the past are now replaced with ‘word of mouse’! The spoken E-nglish is also slowly emerging. Your friend would no longer says that he’s thinking about something and that he’ll get back to you later. As a true e-devotee, all he would say is: “Hang on, let me down-load!’. You may not be wrong if you rebuff him: ‘You can do it in your rest room!’ Instead of saying ‘keep it up’, your mouse-trotting boss mutters: ‘Get with the program!’ If you don’t understand him, he is going to blame you for the ‘delivery failure’! So, better ‘live in hypertext’ with lots to hide.

‘Wan2’ master this lingo? Then log on to any chat room or a cyber café and see for yourself coming out richer in expression. But before doing this ‘pls’ remember some ground rules: Never hurt the feelings of anybody in the chat room. Never disclose your telephone or identity as there are e-goons and e-thugs out in the cyberspace awaiting to exploit the gullible e-buffs. Never send any e-mail to unfamiliar or unknown destinations as your identity can be easily tracked. Never use your credit card and go for on-line shopping for there are hackers, the so called spiders in the ‘web’ to ‘net’ small and big fishes that sport the plastic money. Never download any information without ensuring the availability of adequate anti-virus packages to scan it. Along with your computer, you may also ‘crash’! Never ever disclose your username and password to anyone (the word ‘anyone’ includes your over-ambitious colleagues in the office and the overcautious wife or husband at home.) For, they are your personal mantras not to be parted with.

These things should not dampen your ‘e-nthu’. For, despite all these drawbacks the cyberspace is worth venturing into!

E- U later!

(T.V. Sairam is the Chief Commissioner of Customs and Central Excise, Visakhapatnam. His hobbies include writing, music and alternative medicine. He is currently compiling a Dictionary of Alternative Medicne which will be published by Penguin Books. )

Bookmark and Share |

You may also access this article through our web-site http://www.lokvani.com/

Home | About Us | Contact Us | Copyrights Help