Mike's shop was on fire, he was on the phone to the fire department.

" What is your address sir," the fireman inquired.

" I can't remember," Mike screamed.

" Calm down man, if we don't have your address how will we get there," the fireman asked.

" Use your big red truck with the siren! " Mike retorted.

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A new helper is on the job for two hours when he is sent to the diner for coffee.

" Will this hold six cups? " he asks the waitress holding up a large thermos jug.

" No problem," she replies.

" Good, give me two black, one with cream and three with cream and sugar."

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Pat sends Mike to the lumberyard , "Need twenty 4 X 2's," he says to the yardman.

" Guess you mean 2 X 4's," he grins, " How long do you want them?"

" Dunno for sure, but it will be a while, he's building a garage."

A guy is working on a steep roof and starts to slide down out of control.

" Help me God," he cries

A large nail catches on his overalls and stops his decent.

" Never mind God, a nails got me," he sighs with relief.