Ode to Alchohol
Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell you are I think,
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Pool so feelish, don't know why
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.

Overheard
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste

SOME CARDS HALLMARK WILL NEVER PROBABLY MAKE
Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."
"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age. . .Almost Lifelike!
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
" "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday-so we're having you put to sleep."

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