my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

~~~~~~

A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

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* Teacher : If we breath oxygen in the daytime, what do we breath
at night?
Pupil :Nitrogen?


* Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the  Ground floor
& Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working , Kartar
invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to find Kartar's
flat closed from outside and had a note which read : ' How did you enjoy
your dinner ? '

Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it . '


* Mannoo went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who
came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school. Mannoo
called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like
this?'
 'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal
 here. I only work in this place.'

* 'Take me to the 10th floor,' said  Mannoo as he entered the lift of a
high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman
opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.'
 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Mannoo. 'I am not your son.'
 'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

* Mannoo got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government.
To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all
his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see
if his boss was busy. Mannoo noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you
outstanding! Please income.'

* The collector asked Mannoo for his rail ticket. Mannoo searched his
pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector,
' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.'
 'That is very kind of you,' replied Mannoo, 'but if I don't find it,
 I want to know where to get off.'

*  Mannoo : 'Look Pannoo, what type of glasses they have made.
   The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
    Pannoo : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top,
    how will
    the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

*     Mannoo: ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
    Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
    Mannoo : 'I keep forgetting things.'
    Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
    Mannoo : 'What problem?'

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