Ever since I saw kaho na pyaar hai, I have had an unhealthy yearning for the attentions of it’s long faced, lean, mean hunky hero. When I did get a chance to talk with him, I jumped at it. My mind conjured up questions and his answers with considerable ease.

Chitra: Hi there, a big fan, I am.

Hunk Roshan: (smiling deeply, his face inching towards his tummy): Thank you. I am very humble, you know. Even when a large but insignificant reporter like you, no offense meant, ji, compliments me, I am civil.

  Chitra: Thanks much, mate. Tell me, Mr. Critic Roshan, how often do you work out? Man , you are buff

  Critic Roshan: ( Smile slipping, chin hardening): Its Hrithik Roshan, I work out about 18 hours a day at my home gym.

Chitra: Who is your fav. Heroine? Fav. Director?

Critic: I love them all, my fav. Heroine is my sweety pie wifey poo Suzzanne and fav. Director is my Dad.

Chitra: Wait wait don’t tell me. Your dad is that wrestler fellow, Veeru .

Critic ( stonily) No, you are thinking of Ajay Devgun…

Chitra:  Dara? No.Salim? No. I got it ! When did Rajesh Khanna start directing films, Critic?

Critic: Thanks for talking to me. For the last time, you nit wit , my name is Hrithik. Good Bye.

Chitra: Toodle oo, Karthik Roshan.

  Next up is Aishwarya, the ethereal, ephemeral, beauty. She is even more beautiful than I had imagined. Imagined in my imagination, by the way.

  Chitra: What is the secret of your beauty?

Ash( shyly): I don’t know.

Chitra: What do you think of Bush’s foreign policy?

Ash: ( Shyly) I don’t know.

Chitra: Are you going to marry Salman, now that he is in so much trouble?

Ash( Steelily) : Salman who?

Chitra: How was the making of Devdas? How did you like working with Madhuri?

Ash: Madhuri ji is so beautiful. You know that song dola re where we danced together, serenading each other? Long before that song we knew that we did not even need Shah Rukh in the film. Parvati and Chandramukhi had met and bonded!

Chitra: How do you feel about the New York Times announcing same sex unions?

Ash : ( fire in her eyes): You have a dirty mind. I did not mean Mads and I felt that way about one another. She is like a sister. ( dabs daintily around her made up eyes)

As I leave she is humming the line ‘tumne mujhko duniya dedi….” From dola re

  Another hunk, Arjun Rampal , he with the rippling muscles and wooden face is kicking a rock when I meet him outside the studio where he is shooting. He is an intelligent articulate vain young man when I encounter him in my head.

Chitra: Arjun Rampal, did you know that girls in the US drool at the very mention of your name?

Arjun: Gee, thanks. I love America!

Chitra: Why were you kicking that rock? What’s upset your apple cart?

Arjun: That is not a rock, that is…oops, you don’t have to hear that!

Chitra: What do you think is the effect  of enzyme concentration on enzyme rate?

Arjun: Enzymes are catalytic proteins.  A catalyst is a chemical agent that changes the rate of a reaction without being consumed by the reaction. Enzymes can only hasten reactions that would have occurred anyway, but they play a major role in the metabolic activities of a cell.  They are very selective in the reactions they catalyze, so they determine which chemical processes will be going on in the cell at any particular time. 

Chitra: Whoa!  Who is the president of Zambia?

Arjun: Whozzat Ali?

Chitra: Who wrote East of Eden?

Arjun: Steinbeck, John.

Chitra: Esau?

Arjun: Philip Kerr.

Chitra: What is the capital of Brunei?

Arjun: Bandar Seri Begawan

Chitra: You are so smart.

Arjun: Thank you, for making me seem so intelligent. I gotta go kick some serious butt in this film.

Chitra:  Who are you acting with?

Arjun: I don’t know, haven’t noticed. You see, they have this huge mirror in there and the moment I see myself in the mirror, I can’t look away.

Chitra:   I don’t blame you, old chap, you are one fine specimen.

Arjun: Thanks. Your car was painted recently, right? I love its shiny coat, so reflective.

Arjun is still admiring his reflection on my car when I spot the bubbly little dumpling Preity Zinta.

  Chitra: Hi Preity.

Preity: Hi , who are you and why is that moron staring at that car so intently?

Chitra: Hey I sense some hostility here. That’s Arjun, he is checking himself out.

Preity: I’d like to check that (unprintable, unmentionable) into an asylum. We’re shooting for a film in there and this creep will not even look at me.

Chitra: Have you tried taking the mirrors out of the room?

Preity: He’ll kill us all Anyway, doesn’t make much of a diff whether he’s looking at me or at the mirror.

Chitra: After the success of Dil Cahta hai, you are in the big league now. How many films are you working on?

Preity( dimpling) Didn’t you just love dch? I am a sweet bubbly girl, that’s my personality exactly.I want to work with the greats now…Amit ji, Shabana Ji, Om Puri ji, there are so many jis I’d love to work with.Chodo yaar, you tell me, how is life there? How is the current political climate?

Chitra: The common citizen on the road is not taking the threat of war…

Preity: Do you think my butt looks fat in this Ghaghra? Sacch bolo? Turns around.

Chitra: It does look a little fat and wide and plump and substantial. So does your little tum, old girl.

  Arjun and Preity beat me up.

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