Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly Neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which a woman absent-mindedly answers the door in her nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
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In this Issue
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