On the eve of Diwali a blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?"

The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?"

"Yes."

"Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."

"Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight.

It's the day before Thanksgiving:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's
mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and
tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite
words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to
"clean-up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and
the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up
his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few
minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly
there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing
that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstreatched arms and said,

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"
 

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