What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A: A can’t opener.

How do you make seven even?
A: Take away the S.

A  mother visits her son and asks, “How are you finding your neighbours, Donald?”

“Mother,” says Donald, “the people in this building are so noisy. One won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.”

“Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with them?”

“What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes

And the award for best neckwear goes to…Well, would you look at that? It’s a tie. 

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
A: Attire.