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Dial “M” for Queen Mum

George P. Kurien

Finally I'm glad I can take Fluffy and Poodles to the Vets (vets, because there’s a cat vet, and then there’s a dog vet. They’re both different……., two different animals, so to speak!) and, at the same time, get my insurance company to pay for it! That is to say that I can have the cake and eat it too?! (Yeah, right! Talk about wishful thinking!) I knew George would deliver. I knew he would come clean, and I’m sorry I doubted him! My only regret right now is that we didn't elect him two presidents ago.

I know I made a mistake by seeding my lawn with the Tall Fescue variety grass seeds. I didn't realize my error when I did it, but it didn't take too long for me to figure out that I did the dumbest thing in the world! I seeded my lawn last Thursday, and by Friday morning, the grass has grown a good six inches. I was gone for the weekend, and by the time I returned on Monday, the grass was like three feet tall! Now I know, but it’s already too late! I should have used Short Fescue!

Speaking of dumb..., so the Queen Mummy has finally passed! Whew! Say, whose mother was she? Elizabeth's? You mean the Second? Or was she Philip’s Mum-in-Law? I want to know whom to send the flowers to, that’s all. Well, anyway... End of an era, as her British subjects called it! May be so, but I don't care. Call it whatever. End of era, end of winter, end of monsoon, end of standard time and the beginning of daylight saving time, end of the beginning, beginning of the end, front end, back end, rear end, front of the back, side entrance... The important thing is that it is The End! She was pretty......., er…, I mean pretty old, wasn't she? How old was she, about 100 years or so? That's an awfully long time for anyone to be alive, especially when the entire living is off someone else's nickel (or shall we say, Pound?). Frankly, I would have liked to see mama queen live a few more years, say, till 150 or so. Because, I think the British folks and the queen deserve each other, the former being inherently not all that bright, still underwriting their centuries old Royal Welfare System, while Charlie and Company continuously bottom-feed on this wonderful, symbiotic, and parasitic system. They all seem to be very happy together, but I honestly don’t believe the British Treasury can afford it. I tell you, some folks in the old country will never learn, no matter what. For them, ignorance is nothing but bliss!

But hey Tony, you look like a smart dude. Here's a wonderful opportunity for you, and I hope you'll grab it. Now that Mother Q has passed, and admittedly it is the end of an era as all her subjects also agreed, why don't you get all dressed up (Don't forget to wear that funny looking wig that you guys wear when you are arguing!) and bring some kind of a bill before your Parliament which will abolish all kinds of kingdoms, queendoms, boredoms, motherdoms, mother queendoms, queen motherdoms, princedoms, dukedoms, and any other doms that are still around and taking a free ride? Let's do it wholesale this time. And while you are at it, why don't you also shoot for abolishing some of the other diehard dumbs (pun intended!) including His Princeness Charlie and his two sons? Let them do some work, for crying out loud, like the rest of us. Not the skilled variety work, mind you, because they wouldn’t be able to do any of that, but something less significant, and involving plenty of manual labor such as plowing the Buckingham Palace backyard or something like that. I don't think anyone is going to miss Charlie or his sons on the political scene. I tell you, Tony, you can shave off a good $50 billion (or 500 billion pounds, whichever is larger, because I know you guys can't count, and you do your billion math differently) from your annual budget, and give the poor British taxpayer his/her much deserved break. Lord knows they deserve a break just as much as they used to deserve their royalty. And if you have anything left over (and only if you can spare it – there's absolutely no pressure here!), you can pay back the money that you borrowed from us some time back. Remember, Taxation Without Representation (TwoR) and all that good stuff, and the related grand Tea Party that we threw (literally!) for you guys in Boston? Don't worry about the interest; we’ll eat it. That’s the least we can do for our old masters! In the meantime, we in the New World will miss you, Queenie Baby! Ta Ta! Good-bye, Tony! Adios, Charlie! Eat your Cheerios, y'all British bros!

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1.CMZMmylmyouFTqypf December 21, 2011Helene 

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The Queen Mum

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