A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

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