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Jokes - Gender Benders

Compiled by Chitra Parayath
04/29/2004

The Gender Of Computers
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at times were given feminine names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she".
One of the students raised his hand and asked: "What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1.In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2.They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3.They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4.As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1.No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Men vs Women Thinking and Acting
OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators,

Going Bra Shopping
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what the types were.
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

Tell me about your haircut
The story of someone getting a haircut.
Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders.
Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's version:
Man2: Haircut?
Man1: Yeah.



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