While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. I nixed that one in favor of a low-tech model. As I told the salesperson, “I don’t need to be depressed four ways; one is quite enough.”

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“This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. “Do you think I look like them?”

He shook his head. “Not yet.

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The topic of conversation was nose jobs. My slightly confused young daughter asked, “Where does the doctor get the new noses to replace the old ones?”

“They have a place that manufactures them,” I answered. “It’s called the ‘olfactory.’”

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Scene: The operating room. I’m reviewing the surgical checklist with the nurses.

Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand.

Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out