Sam and Josh had worked together as partners in their construction business for over fifty years, one day after returning from a check up with the doctor Sam mentioned that the doctor had suggested that both of them should start writing things down as at their age they start to be forgetful.

Josh laughed at the idea, " My mind is still sharp as a tack, what did you need me to pick up at the hardware store?"

"A dead bolt for the back door," Sam replied.

Half an hour later Josh returned, "There you go electrical box, outlet and cover plate." he proudly announced.

"YOU IDIOT!" Sam screamed at him, "Told you to make a list, I sent you for a bathroom faucet."

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A lumberjack from Ontario decided to tour across America, when he got to Oregon he fell in love with the area so decided to find a job and settle down.

He applied for the open position of "Log Inspector" at one of the local mills so the foreman and the owner take him out to see what he really knows.

The foreman stops the truck and points to a tree and says, "What species is that big tree over there, and how many board feet of lumber does it contain?"

"That's a Douglas Fir, 383 board feet." the lumberjack answers, the foreman can see the owner is impressed.

They continue on about another mile and the foreman points to another tree and asks the same question.

"Hemlock, 285 board feet." the lumberjack answers, again the owner is visibly impressed.

After the third stop the owner is praising the lumberjack's talent and foreman is getting a bit worried that this new guy is actually smarter than him, he has to do something to make him look bad. He stops the truck and hands the lumberjack a piece do chalk, " Get out and mark the front of that big tree over there," he says winking at the owner.

The lumberjack gets out, walks around the tree while looking at the ground, stops and puts an X on the tree and returns to the truck.

"How in the heck do you know that is the front of the tree?" the foreman asks sarcastically.

"Cause somebody took a shit behind it." the lumberjack replied.

He got the foreman's job.

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Employment Standards determined a small woodworking shop owner was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

 "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

 "Well, there's Jake my finisher who's been with me for 3 years, I pay him $900 a week.

The apprentice Tom has been here for 6 months, and I pay him $500 a week.

Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I buy him a case of beer every Friday," replied the owner.

 "That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the agent."

 The owner says, "That would be me."