A boy breaks on old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
You stick with me and I will take you places!
Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?
No, I didn’t know that.
There you go.
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder."
Jim: "No way man, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was just on the first step."
The police stops a computer hardware engineer: “Your light isn’t working. You have to get off your bike.”
IT guy: “I tried that but the light still isn’t working.”
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?
Passenger: No, I am in a hurry.