A hunter in North Dakota was looking for a new hunting dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

Two cops are hanging around on a corner in the former East Germany shortly after the Wall fell. Up ride two bicyclists from England, looking for directions.

"I don't speak German," one says to one of the cops, "Might you speak English?"

The cops shrug with incomprehension.

"Parlez vous francais," the biker says, non-plussed.

More shrugs.

"Parla Italiano?"

Shrugs

"Habla Espanol?"

Same thing. The guy even tries Portuguese and Latin, no luck. 

Finally the bikers ride off, frustrated.

One cop looks at the other and says, "Hey, that guy spoke 6 languages!"

The first one shrugs one last time. "Yeah well, what good did it do him?"

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.

"Let's try to make this look natural "she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."

The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"