Willpower is the ability to resist temptation until you can be sure that no-one's looking...

Desperation: eating the dog's choc drops.

Who says I've got no will power - I'll get that pecan pie if it's the last thing I do.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Unhealthy: what thin people call you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.

Stay out of bed, and stay active, and eat rice and fish - and eventually you die.

I'd have no objection to people who eat like sparrows if they'd only stop that everlasting chirping about it.

Acceptable weight: what you weigh now if you were six inches taller.

Adult: one who has ceased to grow vertically but not horizontally.

The doctor said apples were non-fattening so I ate 68 of the little devils.

You came down because you thought you heard burglars? Got them trapped in the refrigerator have you?

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but can she climb a tree.

There's a new Chinese diet. Order all the food you want but use only one chopstick.

He's on a weekly course of special diet crackers. They're usually all gone by Tuesday breakfast.

Gosh - I could eat a horse - a high protein, low cholesterol, sugar free horse, of course.

Dieter's Law: food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.