A guy dies and meets St. Peter who tells him, "Look, you've lived a good life, we do things a little differently than what you'd expect. I'm going to let you choose where you'd like to spend eternity. Hear me out, spend a day or two in heaven and in hell and then decide for yourself." The guy chooses heaven first and finds it beautiful and pleasant, the choirs of heaven singing, animals getting along, streets paved with gold. Nice.
"OK," St. Peter says. "Now spend a few days in hell." There the guy enjoys endless beach volleyball games, parties that last forever, many of his friends are there (naturally), beautiful people everywhere all laughing at his jokes, front row NBA finals tix, you name it. He rushes back to St. Peter and says, "I can't believe I'm saying this but I choose to live the eternities in hell."
He's dispatched back to Hades where he finds brimstone and burning lakes, miserable people chained to each other, and endless whippings from Satan. "Heyyy, what gives?" he yells at Lucifer, "Last week I was here and it was all fun and games and pretty women and partying!"
"Last week you were a recruit," Satan responds. "This week you're an employee!"--------
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Getting A Raise Joke
Boss Jokes
Paul walks into the boss’s office. “Sir, let me get straight to the point, I know the economy is really down, but I have a couple of companies after me, and I would like to ask for a raise.†After a few minutes of haggling between them the boss finally agrees to a 10% raise, and Paul gets up to leave happily. “One minuteâ€, says the boss to Paul , “which companies are after you by the way?†“The gas company, cable company, and phone companyâ€, Paul replied!
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Boss Jokes
As the owner of a large company I went down to check out how everything was going. I noticed some guy just chilling in the coffee room. “Just how much are you getting paid a week?†“Two hundred bucks!†Replied the young man. Taking out my wallet I give him two hundred bucks and say, “here is a week’s pay and don’t come back!†Turning to one of the supervisors, I ask, “how long was that lazy bum working here anyways?†“He doesn’t work here,†said the supervisor. “He just walked in to ask directions
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